According to relationship expert Margaret Paul, "Requesting what you want from your partner a couple of times is important, but after that, it is not helpful." She thinks asking your partner to do something three times becomes nagging.
Constant nagging can be controlling. "Nagging is a form of control where you keep at someone, trying to get them to do what you want them to do," he adds. "Nagging becomes more than a request, but a way to control," Burley says.
Relationship expert Denise Wade thinks "nagging" statements are easy to spot: Starting with "you" (e.g., "You never mow the grass. Mow the lawn! You always do "). "You" statements blame and put your spouse on the defensive.
You may feel justified in pestering your partner to quit smoking, drinking, or eating cheeseburgers and fries because you care about their health.
“People hate to be controlled,” Dr. Paul says. "If they feel that they have to give in to a particular situation, then they may put up resistance in another area of your relationship." "If someone is getting nagged, the impression they get is that they're not OK the way they are."
Nagging might make your partner feel infantilized and like a disappointment. This makes the nagger feel authoritative. "Nagging destroys cooperation. Burley thinks it's like pointing at them like a father or authoritative figure.
Dr. Wade says we neglect our needs if we need others to make us happy. "Nagging comes from a feeling that we don't have the resources to make ourselves happy," adds. One who nags is not thinking about themselves. Too much attention is paid to their partner."
"Nagging kills passion," cautions Burley. "You don't want to turn around and hug the person that's been nagging you."
Most couples argue about something other than money, or in-laws. Couples argue most about their partner's behavior or views, which doesn't foster respect.